![]() ![]() Many young iGen’ers also fear losing their identity through relationships or being too influenced by someone else at a critical time. In iGen’ers’ view, they have lots of things to do on their own first, and relationships could keep them from doing them. There are other ways to live a meaningful life, and in college especially, a romantic relationship can bring us farther from rather than closer to that goal,” wrote Columbia University sophomore Flannery James in the campus newspaper. “I question the assumption that love is always worth the risk. And what other phrase has increased? “I love me.” The relationship-unfriendly phrase “Never compromise” doubled between 19. The phrase “Don’t need anyone” barely existed in American books before the 1970s and then quadrupled between 19. In just the eighteen years between 19, the use of the phrase “Make yourself happy” more than tripled in American books in the Google Books database. In general, relationships conflict with the individualistic notion that “you don’t need someone else to make you happy - you should make yourself happy.” That is the message iGen’ers grew up hearing, the received wisdom whispered in their ears by the cultural milieu. We will often just leave our partner because we are too young to commit.” Being committed shuts that down very fast. “We are still young and learning about our lives, having fun and enjoying our freedom. “It’s way too early,” says Ivan, 20, when I ask him if most people in their early twenties are ready for a committed relationship such as living together or getting married. (The teens I interviewed assured me they still called it “dating.”) This trend away from dating and relationships continues into early adulthood, with Gallup finding that fewer 18- to 29-year-olds lived with a romantic partner (married or not) in 2015 compared to 2000. In the early 1990s, nearly three out of four 10th graders sometimes dated, but by the 2010s only about half did. Boomers and GenX’ers at the same age) say they ever go out on dates. One of the ways this shows up in their behavior is dating - or not: In large, national surveys, only about half as many iGen high school seniors (vs. The data show a trend toward individualism in this generation, as well as evidence that iGen teens are taking longer to grow up than previous generations did. It’s the subject of my latest book, iGen, a name I started calling this generation because of the large, abrupt shifts I started seeing in teens’ behaviors and emotional states around 2012 - exactly when the majority of Americans started to use smartphones. I’m a researcher studying generational differences, and lately, my focus has been on the rising generation, those born between 19. That’s not to say that one way is right and the other isn’t, but they are very different viewpoints on the best way to spend the high-energy years of your life. By that age, most Boomers and GenX’ers were married, and many had children. It’s not hard to find young people who echo Taveroff’s sentiment that self-exploration is the purpose of one’s twenties - a notion that many 25-year-olds as recently as the 1990s might have found odd. Be selfish, have fun and explore the world.” ![]() At the end of the day, your 20s are the years where YOU DO YOU. You don’t want to get too caught up in someone else’s problems, triumphs and failures, and forget to be experiencing your own. Welcome to “It’s Complicated,” a week of stories on the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships.Īs her number one reason “why relationships in your 20s just don’t work,” Leigh Taveroff writes for the website Today’s Lifestyle, “These years are extremely important: you’re meant to be finding out who you are and building a foundation for the rest of your life. ![]()
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